Patient Stories
What Our Patients Say About Their Experiences
We love to share stories of personal transformation through
our program of functional restoration. Below are some
patient experiences in their own words. We hope you
find them as inspiring as we do.
Andy said...
I recently went through the pain management program at Pacifica. I was diagnosed as having chronic pain, and was prescribed a HUGE amount of narcotics, benzodiazapenes, and barbiturates. I tried weaning myself off the medications a few times over the years, but was never successful. At Pacifica, the staff (M.D., Ph.D.'s, Biofeedback, PT, and more) did an incredible job of getting me off all of the drugs. If I chose not to enroll in this program, I have serious doubts as to whether or not I would be alive today. The drugs clouded my judgement and my LIFE so much that I wasn't fully aware of what had taken place over the years.
For pain patients reading this....you got as far as reading their web site and the blog, now go all the way and sign up for their program. You won't find anything like it on the West Coast! From the first few days at the hospital with the best nursing care I've experienced, to the huge mansion in the hills above the Napa Valley with a personal chef, personal trainer, massage therapist, and more, there's no way you can lose by attending the program. For people who are afraid of going further because you don't know anyone, don't know anything about the program, and are afraid to let go of your drugs, relax..it's not bad. If you want to talk to me from a patient's perspective, go ahead and shoot me an email. I will respond in the manner you choose (phone, email, etc). asmith195@comcast.net
From K.G.:
“I don’t think anyone can know how difficult this process is going to be.
I believe that this house, this staff, and my housemates made this experience the best
it could have been. I’m waking up a little bit more each day. I had forgotten what
it felt like to feel, to be aware of my senses. I know I will continue to get better
and that this is a new chapter beginning, and for all of this I thank you!”
From N.A.:
“Happy Spring 2006!! This letter is a long time coming… You might remember
I was in the pain management program at St. Helena—I believe it was ’97 or ’98.
I was on dialysis and had severe back pain. I received a perfectly matched kidney January
8 1999 (I believe you knew that)… It’s now been seven years since my transplant… and
I haven’t had a rejection incident… I finished a four year degree program
in University Studies with an emphasis on Communications… I am starting a position
as a massage therapy instructor next week… I’m teaching two classes and
am excited about it…
“So now let’s get to you. Thank you Thank you Thank you for the love and compassion
and understanding you gave me. When I talked with you I felt like a human being when I rarely
felt like one. You were a definite part of God’s healing plan for me. When I think
of you, my heart becomes very tender—and I wish all good things for you.
“I really owe you a lot and if there is anything I can do for you please let me know.”
From R.L:
“I came into this program practically a zombie but fighting it initially. Dr. Mills’ kindness
in speaking straight to me as to how sick I had become was absolutely critical. Even
though my evaluation lasted all day, the only thing I remember is that due to my doped
up state I didn’t think it was possible for me to improve so much and so quickly.
I woke up the 5th day even though I was still on heavy drugs…. And the most amazing
thing is my pain has stayed consistently low. I had turned my will and my life over to
Pacifica in that area because I couldn’t really believe that I could get off the
meds and be able to manage my chronic pain without them. You gave me back my life when
I didn’t even know if I wanted it…
“You are all miracle workers and it is critical this information be shared with the
world because I had no idea, despite 12 or 14 years clean and sober that I could do anything
else for the pain but pop a pill. Bless you for what you do and thank you for giving me,
my friends, and my family a person back and not the shell that drove up here in a scooter.
Bless you all for your work here – you are doing God’s work in the world.”
We ask all our patients to write a letter to their pain, and then a letter from Pain to them. Here is an example of that exchange from a recent patient:
My Letter to Pain:
You have been my constant companion now four more than four years. You came into my life uninvited and remained despite all my best efforts to move you on.
My family, friends and even my doctors tried in vain, and used all of their persuasion and skills including multiple surgeries and drugs to try and lure you away but you were always ahead of them and came up with ways to stay with me. You infected me with various diseases and constant pain and despite all of our collective efforts you remained undaunted by the pain and suffering you caused.
You took over my life so completely that I found it difficult to function and lead a normal life but I had someone else, a wonderful wife in my corner fighting for me and despite your best punches and constant presence trying to interrupt our life we prevailed.
My wife always remained steadfast and ultra supportive of me, and always stated that despite you my constant companion ( The Pain ) could not beat our love and knowledge that we would come out of this disruption to our lives stronger and better persons.
Natural feelings and strength beat manmade chemicals. Love beats Pain.
You infiltrated our lives and remained in an effort to disrupt the harmony but I am happy to say that this companionship is over and you will soon be out of my life.
I realize that there is no guarantee that you will be out of my life completely, but I will be doing everything in my power to prevent you having as much influence in my life as you have had in recent years.
I have new friends, true friends, powerful friends and between us we can beat you and move on to a more fulfilling future.
This is goodbye.
Pain’s Reply:
I received your letter, and was very surprised by your comments. I did my best to change your life completely as pain can and very often wins. You finally came to your senses and realized that pain cannot be allowed to be in control and determine the quality of life.
I knew I was dealing with a strong person physically, but all the other tragedies that occurred over the recent years helped me remain. You were concerned more with helping other family members and friends who became a distraction and often you forgot about me.
Alas you finally sought help other than medication and with your inner strength and determination I knew you could beat me so I'm out of here to find another vulnerable constant companion.
From R.E.:
“When I arrived I was a total mess, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This
was my last hope. Having been close to dying 3 times this year… I believed that
I was unworthy and unfixable. Here I was able to learn that I am able to heal myself
given the tools in this program. I can’t praise it enough. Thank you all so very
much! God bless…”
From K.P.:
Dear Jennifer,
I cannot thank you and Dr. Mills, et al. enough for the work you did with David in March.
David continues to thrive in his new life choices. He is maintaining a very healthy weight,
exercise, stress relief and self-awareness regimen. We don’t really talk much anymore
about pain because it just isn’t part of our daily lives anymore. I know Dr. Mills
would say that much of the credit (if not all) belongs to David for his hard work and commitment
to the program you started him on through the inpatient program. I know that is true. But
I also know that we wouldn’t be where we are now (obnoxiously happy and productive)
if it weren’t for the knowledge, wisdom, patience, and support you shared with David
at Cold Springs.
When I contacted you about David the first time, the most I was hoping for was that I could
my “old David” back, meaning the man I married almost 11 years ago. The fact
is, though David in now more like his old self in that he doesn’t complain constantly
about pain, nor is his life built around managing that pain through medication, in many
ways he is much stronger and healthier than the “old David” every was. The tools
you gave him and the confidence he has demonstrated in continuing to utilize and supplement
them is beyond anything I would have dared to hope for.
Thank you doesn’t seem like enough to say. Please know that in my view, you and your
staff are pursuing the only appropriate course of treatment for chronic pain. The results
in my life tell the story, and could not be more wonderful or inspiring.
From S.D.:
I was going to share these thoughts, with permission, with the Pain Clinic clients. I
pass them to you in case they help…
My family had fallen apart and my kids lost respect for their old man who laid on the couch
or bed all day and didn’t seem to care much about anyone else or anything. I started
with getting off my drugs and feeling better, so I could rebuild my relationships. I had
a lot of repair to do. I like the people working with me, ‘cause they showed me what
I could do, not just what they would do for me. We worked as a team. Each improvement I
made, it was monumental, but not just for me, but for the team. It made me proud and I wanted
to do more. My family started seeing a change and warmed up to me because they could see
I was trying to make a change…
When I got good at one program, it was time to write another with new challenges, new goals.
And when I was ready, they talked to me about what I was fueling my body with. I had to
throw away the sodas and chips…and quit filling myself with fast food and sweets.
It was hard at first, things tasted different. I missed the salt and sweet, the caffeine.
But I learned it was my head that missed those things, not my body. I actually felt headaches
when I gave up the sodas and coffee that had caffeine. But it was only temporary. I lost
weight. I had already started with the exercise, but now the change in diet was helping.
I still ate a lot, but good stuff, not the junk food I was used to. And surprise of for
me, I am no longer a borderline diabetic!
It’s different now. I eat different. I look different. I feel different. I don’t
have the same cravings. I actually get hungry for salad. A hot meal is no longer from MacDonalds
or the Colonel… I took some cooking classes and have had fun making up my own recipes…
Because of you, I got a new lease on life.
oldcruzr said...
The first i ever heard of chronic pain and or pain management was in 1999, I was
32 yrs old. It was a week and half past new yrs. I was at work assisting with
moving some boxes i picked up the boxes the wrong way then twisted, herneating
two discs and lodging a piece of cartilidge in to the nerves. Affecting both
legs, growin ankles toes etc.etc. Right after the injury i could not walk i had
to be assisted to bathroom, groom no baths due to intensive pain. During this
time before surgery, i was given morphine for pain,ativan for sleep and a few
others i cant recall. You will understand why i cant remember after reading this!
As i was coming out of surgery i was in pain slightly and doped up. A few days
later i was up moving slowly, as the days progress i start feeling alittle better.
After afew months of rehab, I returned to work. The daily schedule started taking
its toll. My back pain went thru the roof and my depression was paralizing me.
Then i started having leg spasms and on several occasions my legs would give
out. Returned to surgen they took more film, but nothing showed to bad, so no
more surgery. However they did send me to a pain management dr.Things were getting
pretty bad so back on to workcomp. i went.
The new pain Dr. set me up with oxycotten, baclafen and an appt. with a therapist
for depression. Once i saw the therapist she sent me to shrinky dink, and she started
me on anti-depresants, anti anxiety meds and things seemed to be going aliitle better.
So i thought, the oxy kept taking more and more to get me thru the day. Soon i was
having trouble staying in a conversation staying awake while driving and still have
to lye down to rest due to pain. The pain management dr, then decided to take me
off the oxy and put a MORPHINE PUMP INTO MY ABDOMEN. A PUMP IS USUALLY FOR DIEING
CANCER PTS. TO CONTROL THE PAIN. After this surgery, we started the pump up slowly,
so i was taking oral morphine to until we got the pump up to theraputic level. As
the pump went up the pain seemed alittle less, However after ayr or so the pump
seemed not to adventagist. The morphine started going to my brain along with the
other 20 different meds i was on. So at this time i start having mental health problems
seeing things, paranoid and then hospitalized locked up for bizarre behavoir suicidal
thoughts etc.etc.
After this hospital things went ok for about a month then my body started having
its own side effects or what is called distonia. I became paralized completely all
but my eyes for 7 days hospitalized again due to meds.After thyis the dr.s studied
my meds and aweek later i was back at the hosp. for the same thing paralisis this
time affecting my breathing also, i gave my last will to my spouse i thought i was
for sure dieing.. again aweek later back at home with afew med changes, how ever
the entire time im going thru all of this im basically incoherant unable to make
sentences and my wife was unable to take care of me. Things seemed ok for aliitle
while, however like before it was short lived, i started having med induced seizures.Back
to the hospital on three differant occasions for siezures med. induced To make this
shorter i have left out many other smaller problems i faced while under 4 diff.
DR.s Its to the grace of god my wife and family never gave up! And it was thru my
wife's tenacity that we found Pacifica Pain Management! As of this moment i have
been off all but two anti-depresants, i workout three times a week, to over come
the muscle degeration that occured. I'm not advertising this treatment center, I'm
letting you know what i went thru over a 8 yr period in my life where i lost my
health, excellent job and the ablity to function as a human being, I ve got my life
back. Dont get me wrong going thru the program is difficult phyically and emotionally,
i still have pain but can live with it, without narcotics that slowly take you out
of the game of living, talking. Thanks to Pacifica i can think for myself.
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